second thoughts about just about everything (that is, more on discipline): part two

(For an introduction to Khaled and his class, see my last post.)

Now, you may remember Khaled from a previous post. He is a very charming young man. He is funny and friendly and sometimes even makes a real effort to do the work, and he is also continually disruptive. He talks audibly when he should be listening. He was the student who, the class before, had just remained in his seat next to his friend instead of joining the group I had assigned him to. When I had asked him what he was doing, he’d said, “Miss, I mean no disrespect to you. It’s just that this is the only class where we have any fun.”

“Really? Maybe you’re having fun…” I said.

“You’re not having fun, miss? Are you serious? That makes me feel bad. Tell me what I can do so you’ll have fun.”

“Do what I tell you to do,” I said severely.

“Ok,” he said, and stood up to go join his group. I shook my head.

“Too late,” I said, “they’ve started the work without you. Stay where you are.” He crowed with delight, sat down, and reached up to high-five me. I shook my head again. “I am really not pleased with you right now,” I said, and walked away.

So this is how our relationship has established itself: he and his friends disrupt the class or the activity, I reprimand him, he tells me that he feels bad about it and “means no disrespect,” and the next class, he does it again. After the little talk, however, he seemed truly to be shamed. He asked, “Does it really make you mad?” in a low tone, averting his eyes. “I really thought we were all having fun,” he said.

“I don’t have fun when you disturb me and the people around you,” I said.

“Well,” he replied, “I’m sorry. I guess we’ll still do it, just not as much.”

Yes, seriously. This was his response. “I guess we’ll still do it, just not as much.” It is a testament to my very slow reflexes that I did not immediately say, “If you’re going to still ‘do it,’ then don’t come back to my class.” Instead, I stared at him, and then, with a wave of my hand, dismissed him from the room.

The next week was our spring break, the following week I was out sick with the flu, and the next class Khaled was absent because he was in Abu Dhabi visiting family. When he returned, his friends had not seen him in almost three weeks. So of course the atmosphere was even more boisterous than usual. They kept turning to talk to one another while other students were speaking in front of the class; severe reprimands would turn them back around in their seats for a few minutes, but then they would turn to each other again. They did not do their assigned seatwork; instead, they passed around Khaled’s new sunglasses and skullcap and looked at photos on his phone. I dismissed the class early because I was still very sick (I would end up home in bed for the following two days), and, after I had spoken to a couple of other students about academic matters, Khaled slipped back into the classroom.

“Miss,” he asked, “I know you were out sick last week, but did we do anything on Monday?”

“No, nothing,” I replied. “We don’t do anything when you’re not here.”

His face fell. “Miss, you’re really pissed at me, aren’t you.”

“I’m sick of you, Khaled,” I said. “You are extremely impolite to me, to the students who are presenting, and to the students around you who are trying to concentrate. I’ve tried to talk to you about it, but it doesn’t do any good.”

“Miss, I feel really bad, but I just can’t help it. You know, when you talked to us before the break, it went down. But today I just got back, and I didn’t see these guys for a long time…”

“You can go for coffee with your friends after class.”

“It’s not the same, miss. What I mean is, it doesn’t have anything to do with YOU…”

“Khaled, your feelings about me are irrelevant. You keep telling me that you don’t mean any disrespect, but your behavior is what matters. Do you remember when we were talking about character in literature? And we were saying that when there is a contradiction between what somebody SAYS and what he DOES, his behavior is the best indication of his character? You keep SAYING you don’t mean any disrespect, but talk is cheap.”

“You’re hitting me deep here, miss.”

“I hope so.” We walked out into the hallway, where his friends were waiting. “Go talk to your friends and get your vacation out of your system, and don’t come back to class next time if you plan to be disruptive.”

“We’ll come to class, miss, but we’ll keep it down.”

“You heard me.”

(Next post: What does it take to make a student change?)